*Fair warning: HAPPY ENDING read entire review or just skip to the 4th paragraph 😂
So my friend and I are in the UK for vacation and have been driving throughout England to sightsee and explore. We decided to stay in Birmingham for a night and since there wasn’t much to do, we figured we’d get a massage. 88 Harmony Massage had lots of great reviews and better pricing compared to other massage businesses so we figured it couldn’t be that bad.
We booked the 90 minutes session for 55gbp (approximately $82usd bc of the terrible exchange rate from the atm) and when we showed up, this place was not what I expected for the UK and for the price. It looked like a typical Asian massage parlor we had back home in the San Gabriel Valley of Los Angeles that we can get for $15-25 an hour. I guess I had high expectations but I should’ve paid the extra 10-15 bucks to go to other places. This place is clean but the interior and decor was old and tacky. We were told of the prices and that it would be cash only. Luckily I had enough to cover the both of us.
My masseuse got comfortable and walked in on me undressing and I felt rushed. She didn’t even hold up a towel so I could take off my clothes with respect or decency. She then got started with the massage but after a while I noticed it was the same back and forth strokes on my back or shoulders. No technique whatsoever. My $15 an hour reflexology massage back home aka “foot massage” is 10x better. The sign on the front counter says cupping was included in the service which I didn’t get. The warm oil was a nice touch but when technique is minimal, it just wasn’t worth it.
My friend and I got separate rooms and apparently his massesuse was good with the massage on the shoulder blades and all but shocked him when she offered him a happy ending. Yes that’s right. She asked if I was his wife, making conversation, etc. She eventually said in Chinese “would you like a more comfortable massage?” and he was confused for a while bc she kept asking him that. When he realized what she meant, he kept saying. “No no no.” It got awkward for him because the lady looked like an auntie to him (yes the older lady.) Apparently she asked him several times if he wanted to turn over (to face upwards) and my friend kept declining.
Overall, if you’re looking for a legitimate massage, go elsewhere. I got sub-par massage and the lady even had the audacity to stand there waiting for me to tip her as I paid for the service. I asked my friend what he tipped so I did the same, feeling obligated to. I will admit that we had a good laugh on our walk back to our hotel. The shock and humiliation that my friend was solicited while we were on vacation ended with bad jokes and great laughter.